Wednesday, December 31, 2014

De-constructing Anger

Yoda, the master of anger management.

If we de-construct anger, usually you will find that just below it sits hurt and below that fear, this chart reflects the proximity or each of the feelings.

As adults we need to meet our own unmet needs and in order to do so, we need to discover what they are, this is usually when anger is its most useful. Our feelings of hurt, anger or fear will always let us know when we have needs not being met, either by ourselves or others.

For anger management courses and anger coaching please visit Restoring Lives 

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Take ownership of your behaviour

Steps to managing behaviour, starts with the choices we make. It's easier to 'blame' others for the way we act and sometimes, our feelings (both good and bad) are triggered by the way someone else has treated or spoken to us. It's even sometimes easier to give up our control to others, for a 'peaceful' life. But ultimately, the way we behave in response to our thoughts and feelings, are OUR responsibility. 

Taking ownership of your own behaviour, gives you the power to own your thoughts and feelings, there by giving yourself control over the way you behave and in turn leads you to positive and healthy anger.

When you blame others for your actions, you are giving up the self-control to your thoughts and feelings. When this happens, your behaviour becomes out of control and not even the person you're blaming can help you get beck your self-control. No one is in control here, but you are still the one who must take responsibility for you behaviour. 

Giving others the power to manipulate and control you, makes you a victim. Sometimes this can happen without you consciously knowing it. The key to understanding when you are the victim and you're giving someone else the power over your thoughts and feelings, is to 'listen' to your thoughts and 'experience' your feelings. Are they telling you something isn't quite right here? Often, victims are the ones who potentially snap at a random stranger in the streets and 'do' some damage to them, hence, completely losing control over their actions. However, when they're arrested for the damage they've caused, only they, will be the one punished for it. Again, their behaviour here is their responsibility. 

I have simplified the steps to your behaviour below. However you behave, ultimately begins with the choices you make.